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Intermittent reinforcement is some powerful stuff! It makes our brain release a hit of dopamine (a "feel good" chemical messenger) when we get what we want, and even in anticipation that we might get what we want!
So what is intermittent reinforcement?
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 Have you ever found yourself in a season of increased conflict with your child or teenager? Are there times when it just feels like your butting heads about lots of seemingly small things, or maybe butting heads repeatedly over the same old issue that keeps coming up?
I certainly have been there! A variety of reasons can contribute to finding ourselves in these cycles of increased conflict with our child/teen including their growing desire for independence. Sometimes it just really feels like the young person is “looking for a fight” or “trying to be difficult.” When we start to see the situation through the lens that our child is being “defiant” or “manipulative” we feel the need to act! Often, at this point, parents tend to increase their control over the situations and the child. It makes sense! We are trying to restore order, instill a respect for authority and sometimes maybe make it clear who’s the boss. Maybe you’re struggling with a child that refuses to come and eat dinner at dinner time, or a child that “stirs the pot” by creating some drama when she’s bored. Maybe it’s a teenager that is missing curfew or not getting done the agreed upon chores. Increasing our attempts to “control” our child or teenager is a losing game. We can’t really make that independently minded young person do anything. So what’s a parent to do? Time to move into coaching, not controlling. Put on your “coaches hat” and let’s get started!
*go visit the animal shelter or pet store *make a bird feeder with a milk jug and some duck tape *make a summer journal with a daily question or topic *write and illustrate a comic book *make mini figures out of clay and add them to your house plants *visit the farmers market and buy something you've never tried before *run through the sprinkler *make a hopscotch board (It's really fun to play hopscotch on a trampoline if you have one! Use chalk to make the hopscotch board) *paint rocks *sit outside for 10 minutes and record the types of birds you see, use a bird book to find their names *make a summer art project on a large sheet of paper that you can add to throughout the summer *try out an oldie but goodie like a jump rope, hula hoop, skip ball or kids' pogo stick *make a bike obstacle out of chalk on the driveway *make an obstacle course in the yard or at the park *give your kids a scavenger hunt for the yard, or on a family walk (taking photos of the objects is a fun addition) Share your fun ideas with us here! Summer success planning:I personally have grappled with the start of summer for years now.
On one hand I think of summer as this magical time of fun, connection and happy memory building. On the other hand, I start to worry about this big transition and change of structure for my kids. How do I balance the right amount of activities with the need for downtime? What about behavioral challenges? How can I use good communication with the other adults involved (co-parent, grandparents etc) to make this summer successful? Check out this recorded webinar on Summer Success Planning for Parents and Grandparents. https://livestouchedcoaching.podia.com/summer-success-planning-for-parents-and-grandparents It will help you get the ball rolling on finding the right summer structure for your family, communication between adults, and behavioral challenges. Use the coupon code SUMMER2023 to get 10% off all products Wishing you a joyful summer!
Have you ever felt like as soon as you get a handle on something in parenting...the game changes and you're back to trying to figure it out? It's a part of the parenting journey and for me, it's happened over and over again.
I remember feeling like that when my kids were little and I would finally get a grasp on nap times and bedtimes...only to have my kids grow and change and what worked before didn't seem to work again. How about trying to motivate a kid? *A sticker chart? Nope... those only worked for a few days, or maybe a a few weeks. *Taking away their favorite things... hmmm, sure fire way to get a meltdown started. *Hitting my frustration tolerance and raising my voice? No good, that leaves me and my child feeling bad. Of course we could talk about addressing challenging behaviors... Maybe you're finding your tools aren't working as well as they used to. Maybe what works for your friend's kids, or your sister's kids just doesn't seem to work with your unique child. Regardless of the age or season our kids are in, we can become more confident leaders in our homes. Here are a few things to think about: |
AuthorDana Parisi Archives
May 2025
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