 Welcome to Wednesday Wisdom at 8! 🐉 See this dragon breathing fire? That's us as parents when we're frazzled. Something sets us off and suddenly we're BREATHING FIRE at our kids: Yelling about the shoes left in the middle of the floor AGAIN Snapping over spilled milk (literally) Going from 0 to 100 over something small. ere's the problem: When we breathe fire, our kids can't hear us. They just feel the heat. They go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The message we're trying to send? Lost in the flames. What if instead of breathing fire, we learned to breathe calm? When you feel that frazzled energy rising: Pause and take 3 deep breaths before responding Lower your voice instead of raising it Walk away for 60 seconds if you need to Say "I need a minute" out loud. Your kids don't need a dragon parent. They need a regulated parent who can handle hard moments without combusting. When do YOU breathe fire? Morning chaos? Bedtime battles? Homework time? Drop it below or send me a message 👇 I know I’m guilty of it when I’m frazzled. This is exactly what we work on in Frazzled to Joyful - learning to stay regulated even when everything feels chaotic.
0 Comments
 Welcome back to Wednesday Wisdom at 8! 🔥 You know what's interesting about this bonfire? It needs fuel to keep burning. Remove the fuel, and eventually the fire goes out. Your child's meltdowns work the same way. Here's the hard truth: Sometimes we accidentally ADD fuel to their fire without even realizing it. When we: Match their intensity with our own big emotions Keep talking and explaining when they're already escalated Issue threats or consequences in the heat of the moment Ask questions they can't answer when dysregulated Try to logic our way through their emotional storm We're throwing logs on the fire. But here's the good news - you can learn to REMOVE the fuel instead. What does that look like? Lower your voice instead of raising it Use fewer words, not more. Get physically calm so their nervous system can mirror yours. Give space instead of hovering. Wait for the calm to talk, teach, or problem-solve. The meltdown may still happen - but it won't rage as long or as hot when you stop feeding it. This is one of the strategies I teach in Frazzled to Joyful - learning to recognize when WE'RE the fuel and what to do instead. What's one way you've accidentally added fuel to a meltdown? No judgment here - we've all done it! See you next Wednesday at 8!  I’m sure we can all picture a time when something happened that caused our bodies to go straight into Fight or Flight. Maybe it was seeing a snake slither across the hiking path right in front of you, another car cutting you off in traffic, or a sound in your house at night that puts you on high alert. I would also venture to guess that you can recall a time (or two!) when your child went into Fight or Flight, as well. Maybe screen time ended and your child hit you when you put the iPad away; or maybe he was playing outside, saw a bee and ran straight inside and slammed the door. Different situations can cause different responses in us as parents and in our children.
You’re not alone. Every parent has moments that we look back on and wonder why we lost our cool like that. Maybe it's an afternoon where you’re feeling extra irritable or “ triggered” by your kids' normal behaviors. Maybe it's a single episode of exploding at your kid when they make a mistake and then regretting it. Sometimes we find ourselves in a longer season of coming across as the “mad mom” or “explosive dad”.
I personally have an ongoing frustration with my oldest child who is now technically an adult, as he just celebrated his 18th birthday. For as long as he has been going to school, he has struggled with being ready to leave on time. I know he's capable of getting up and leaving on time because this fall when his football coach made it clear that arriving on time for school was a requirement for being eligible to play in the Friday night game, he did whatever it took to hot-foot it out of the house in time. But now, the football season is done and that external motivator isn't there. We are back to frustrating mornings of poor time management. I've tried many approaches to help him succeed. The most recent approach has been letting him choose to be late for school and explain it to the teachers himself. The end result was that he was late for school everyday for a week! I'm not seeing him learning from his mistakes quite yet 🫤 Today he was late again, and I became a “mad mom.” Can you think of your last angry parent moment? What led up to it? Usually it's a combination of factors. Something in our kids' behaviors, what they do or don't do, what they say or don't say, gets under our skin. But how resilient we are to these frustrations and our ability, in the moment, to pause and think of the response we want to have rather than reacting on our first impulse has a lot to do with how well our own basic needs are being met. When we have unmet needs we are going to feel more irritable, frustrated, impatient and inflexible, just like our kids feel when they have unmet needs. So the next time you find yourself feeling like the “mad mom” or “explosive dad”, consider these possible unmet needs and how you can meet them to help you stay more balanced and regulated. Do you have a child or know a child who is quick to anger or expresses their anger in challenging ways? Raising a child who is often on the emotional edge of "losing it" can make parents and caregivers feel like they are walking on egg shells. This leads to chronic stress in the home for parents, siblings and the child struggling with their emotions.
|
AuthorDana Parisi Archives
September 2025
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed