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Lives Touched Coaching Blog

Learning from the loons

10/27/2021

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​ Loony idea...?
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Did you know that mom and dad loons, carry their little ones on their backs?  They do this for the first several weeks to keep the chicks safe and close by. But even as the chicks are getting a bit bigger and are swimming alongside the parents, they may still climb on board for a ride when they're scared, stressed or overwhelmed.
Last summer on a run along a northern Minnesota lake, I came upon a family of loons enjoying the shallow, quiet water. I startled them as I ran past, and the two big chicks scramble onto one parent's back and they all took off to “safer water”.  They only swam a little ways down the shore before the young loons were back in the water swimming and exploring. It got me thinking about parenting...
When our kids are scared, stressed or overwhelmed (even as they get older, and are past the "baby chick" phase), how can we take a lesson from the loons and partner with our kids?  Can we "carry them”  for a short distance, by traveling with our child through the struggle, until we reach safer water?  Then, we can let them swim on their own again. 
 
A struggling child needs our support to co-regulate, when they can't regulate by themselves.  

If you could use some additional support for a season of struggle with your child, reach out to me.  I would love to talk with you.   Tap the "Contact me" 
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Plan it out

10/22/2021

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Do you have a kid that likes to know what's coming?  Some kids thrive on having a schedule or at least knowing a rough plan for the day.  Help them out and you will have better cooperation, more fun and less meltdowns over transitions.  
Click the READ MORE button to find out how

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Invitation to BATTLE!

10/13/2021

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Does it ever feel like sometimes your child just WANTS to pick a fight with you?
*sometimes these moments come up when it's time to leave the house, but your kid starts to fall apart.
*maybe your child is refusing to do something that's his job. "No, I won't pick up my backpack!" 
*or saying something hurtful to you; "You're ALWAYS so MEAN!"  or "I HATE you!"  
*or has an unpleasant attitude when you ask for help; "Why should I?",  "I have to do EVERYTHING!"
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I call these moments an "Invitation to do battle!"  And guess what???  You don't have to accept every invitation you receive!  You can politely, and calmly pass up the fight.  How?
Here are some ABC's to a peaceful settlement.

A:  AVOID taking it personally.  Behavior is communication.
AVOID a negative internal narrative.  You know what that negative narrative sounds like in your head.  It may try to tell you your child is selfish, spoiled, ungrateful, taking advantage of you, always tries to ruin things, is going to grow up to be a failure... and on an on.
AVOID losing your cool.   

B:  Bomb diffusion!  Help your child calm down.  This looks like having empathy, being curious about what's going on inside your child that's causing him to be upset, and co-regulating.  Tip: work on staying calm yourself and you will be much more successful helping your child calm.   

C:  Connect: Find ways to connect with your child.  Let your kid know you are there for him and it's ok for him to have big feelings.  Could you add a little fun into the situation?  Could you help your child with the task that's overwhelming him today? "Hey buddy, why don't we set a timer and see how much of these toys we can pick up together in 3 minutes?"  Can you give an extra hug?

Let's talk about these strategies and how to put them to use in YOUR situations!
Tap on the contact me button to sign up for a free parent coaching consult. 
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Fitness!?  Who has time for that?

10/6/2021

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Let’s talk a bit about your personal fitness.   Fitness means different things to different people.  But the majority of us aren’t competitive athletes; we are just normal, busy parents and we struggle to find time to take care of ourselves.  Can you relate? 
Do you have a great fitness plan for yourself?  If so… that’s amazing!!!  Stay strong, and guard that time you are able to carve out to take care of your physical and mental health.  Your kids are seeing you make yourself and your health one of your priorities and that’s a great thing!

But, many of us struggle to even imagine how to find time for our own fitness.  When do we squeeze it in… before the kids get up… after they go to bed?   Well there is no one size fits all solution to this, BUT  there is a solution for you!  You may need to do a little digging and be creative to find it, but you are worth it!   
Wondering where to start?  Here are three ideas:
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  1. Find an activity that makes you happy.  There are so many options for fitness and exercise.  Pick something you think you would enjoy and start there.  Maybe it’s walking, or biking, a group fitness class or a program you can do at home on your phone.  What’s important is that it is getting you moving, and you enjoy it.
  2. Schedule yourself in!  My calendar is packed with my kids' activities; one going to biking practice, three going to swim team, one going to scouts… If I schedule my exercise into my calendar I make time for it and my family is more cooperative with sharing the workload.  Write your exercise time into your calendar, you’ll be glad you did!
  3. Plan ahead.  When it comes to our kids' activities, we help them learn to plan ahead.  Things like thinking through what gear they need to have.  Planning ahead for yourself might look like bringing your walking shoes to work so you can walk on your break, or right after work.  Maybe you bring a change of clothes so you can get your activity in while your child is playing their sport.  Maybe it’s setting out your workout clothes the night before so you can get ready and do your exercise first thing in the morning.    
If you could use more tips, encouragement or a deeper dive into the struggles that may be facing in your family, reach out and let's connect.  Click the link and let me know if you'd like to sign up for my mailing list, or schedule a free consult with me to see if working with a parent coach would benefit you. 
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    Author

    Dana Parisi

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