Invitation to BATTLE!

Does it ever feel like sometimes your child just WANTS to pick a fight with you?
*sometimes these moments come up when it's time to leave the house, but your kid starts to fall apart.
*maybe your child is refusing to do something that's his job. "No, I won't pick up my backpack!" 
*or saying something hurtful to you; "You're ALWAYS so MEAN!"  or "I HATE you!"  
*or has an unpleasant attitude when you ask for help; "Why should I?",  "I have to do EVERYTHING!"
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I call these moments an "Invitation to do battle!"  And guess what???  You don't have to accept every invitation you receive!  You can politely, and calmly pass up the fight.  How?
Here are some ABC's to a peaceful settlement.

A:  AVOID taking it personally.  Behavior is communication.
AVOID a negative internal narrative.  You know what that negative narrative sounds like in your head.  It may try to tell you your child is selfish, spoiled, ungrateful, taking advantage of you, always tries to ruin things, is going to grow up to be a failure... and on an on.
AVOID losing your cool.   

B:  Bomb diffusion!  Help your child calm down.  This looks like having empathy, being curious about what's going on inside your child that's causing him to be upset, and co-regulating.  Tip: work on staying calm yourself and you will be much more successful helping your child calm.   

C:  Connect: Find ways to connect with your child.  Let your kid know you are there for him and it's ok for him to have big feelings.  Could you add a little fun into the situation?  Could you help your child with the task that's overwhelming him today? "Hey buddy, why don't we set a timer and see how much of these toys we can pick up together in 3 minutes?"  Can you give an extra hug?

Let's talk about these strategies and how to put them to use in YOUR situations!
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