 Let’s get real for a second: parenting is hard. There’s no script, no step-by-step manual—just you, your kid(s), and the beautiful chaos of figuring it all out. If you’ve ever walked away from a hard parenting moment thinking “That didn’t go how I hoped…”, you’re not alone. The truth is, we all hit bumps. And those "mistakes" are actually invitations to grow. Today, I’m sharing three common parenting pitfalls I see all the time (and have totally done myself) — plus some gentle ways to shift course without guilt or shame.
1. Over-Explaining or Over-Correcting When our kids are having a hard time, most of us think that talking to them or lecturing them will help the behaviors change; however, the opposite is true. When our child’s “emotional brain” takes over (think Fight, Flight or Freeze), their “thinking brain” goes offline. Dr. Dan Seigel calls this “Flipping Your Lid”. Because our child can’t access the thinking part of their brains they are unable to comprehend what we are trying to lecture them on. Instead, use few words - “No hurts.” “Be gentle and kind.” “Use your words.” You can then revisit the situation calmly, later, when their thinking brain is back online. 2. Forgetting to Repair We all have moments we wish we could redo. What matters most is repair. A sincere “I’m sorry for how I spoke earlier—I was frustrated, and I want to do better,” is powerful. It models humility and shows them that relationships are resilient. 3. Focusing Only on Behavior, Not the Need Underneath most “bad” behavior is an unmet need—connection, rest, attention, food, autonomy. Before reacting, ask yourself: What’s really going on here? All behavior is communication, and when we meet the need, the behavior often shifts on its own. It takes a mindshift to realize that meeting our kids’ needs is not the same as rewarding bad behavior. You don’t need to be a perfect parent. You just need to be a growing one. Every moment you choose curiosity over control, connection over correction—you’re building something strong and lasting. Keep going. You’re doing beautiful, important work.
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 The last newsletter focused on the Three Gift Rule and how it can help us focus on giving meaningful gifts this holiday season. Today, let’s think about how giving our kids experiences can build lasting memories. Experience-based gifts don’t just minimize the clutter in our homes—they can also strengthen bonds and encourage kids to explore new interests.
Here are some practical ideas that can be tailored to your budget:  Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and with it comes the excitement of Black Friday shopping and finding the perfect gifts for our kids. While it can be tempting to take advantage of all the deals and fill our homes with the latest toys and gadgets, it’s important to consider how the influx of new stuff can impact our children—and ourselves.
The thrill of a new toy is often short-lived, but the clutter it leaves behind can last much longer. When kids are surrounded by an excess of things, they can become overwhelmed, making it harder for them to focus, appreciate what they already have, or even engage in creative play. More stuff doesn’t necessarily lead to more happiness, and often, it’s the simple, meaningful moments that our kids remember most. If you haven’t tried the “Three Gift Rule,” maybe this is the year. You’re not alone. Every parent has moments that we look back on and wonder why we lost our cool like that. Maybe it's an afternoon where you’re feeling extra irritable or “ triggered” by your kids' normal behaviors. Maybe it's a single episode of exploding at your kid when they make a mistake and then regretting it. Sometimes we find ourselves in a longer season of coming across as the “mad mom” or “explosive dad”.
I personally have an ongoing frustration with my oldest child who is now technically an adult, as he just celebrated his 18th birthday. For as long as he has been going to school, he has struggled with being ready to leave on time. I know he's capable of getting up and leaving on time because this fall when his football coach made it clear that arriving on time for school was a requirement for being eligible to play in the Friday night game, he did whatever it took to hot-foot it out of the house in time. But now, the football season is done and that external motivator isn't there. We are back to frustrating mornings of poor time management. I've tried many approaches to help him succeed. The most recent approach has been letting him choose to be late for school and explain it to the teachers himself. The end result was that he was late for school everyday for a week! I'm not seeing him learning from his mistakes quite yet 🫤 Today he was late again, and I became a “mad mom.” Can you think of your last angry parent moment? What led up to it? Usually it's a combination of factors. Something in our kids' behaviors, what they do or don't do, what they say or don't say, gets under our skin. But how resilient we are to these frustrations and our ability, in the moment, to pause and think of the response we want to have rather than reacting on our first impulse has a lot to do with how well our own basic needs are being met. When we have unmet needs we are going to feel more irritable, frustrated, impatient and inflexible, just like our kids feel when they have unmet needs. So the next time you find yourself feeling like the “mad mom” or “explosive dad”, consider these possible unmet needs and how you can meet them to help you stay more balanced and regulated.  How do you feel when you think about the fact that summer is at least half way done? It's ok to have mixed feelings about it. Summer can hold so many fun things, swimming, picnics, parks, fireworks, fairs! At the same time, for my family and lots of families that I work with, there is some summer burnout that happens around this point.
Summer burnout can happen for kids and for parents. It might be kids feeling a bit bored and starting to feel that all this time off is getting old. It might be parents feeling tired of all the driving to activities, or juggling their work while kids are at home, or navigating siblings fighting or whining. Here are a few ideas to help you enjoy this second half of summer, block burnout and build some more fun memories: |
AuthorDana Parisi Archives
March 2025
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