Parent Reset

How are you at "resetting" after rough moments with your child?

It used to take me a really long time to "reset" or rebound from the tough parenting moments. 
When having a meltdown, one my children used to have huge yelling fits, and even get physical, pushing me literally and "pushing my buttons".  I needed all my skills and "parenting tools" to stay calm, co-regulate and get us back on track.  Once the storm was over, my child was ready for fun again.   RESET!  Time to play, read or cuddle! 

But I wasn't ready mentally yet.   

I'd feel drained and maybe even bitter that we just had such a struggle.  I couldn't re-set as quickly as my child.  I held on to resentment longer, which impacted how I was able to show up for my child after the meltdown. 

Parental "resets" can be hard and there are a lot of variables involved.
Resetting doesn't mean that we condone the bad behavior.  It doesn't mean that we ignore opportunities (after everyone is calm) to teach our child better skills.
Resetting is an opportunity to help our child get back into the game of life, with our continued love and support.

Over the years I've gotten much better at resetting quicker.  I'm not saying it's easy for me, but I have learned some things that help.

If you struggle with resetting like I do, the first step is to find ways to calm yourself.   When we have rough patches with our kids, it affects our nervous system.  We might feel our heart rate increase, our face feel warm, and our muscles feel tight.  Build your tool box to help your body calm down. 

Some ideas to try:
1.  Take a few deep breaths or try box breathing.
2. Get outside in nature
3. Move your body; walking, dancing, yoga, bike... get creative and do something that feels good
3. Drink a glass of water
4. Stretch or shake out tight muscles in your neck and shoulders

Once your nervous system is feeling calmer, you're in a better position to help you and your child move forward from the stressful situation.  If you're feeling resentful or vengeful try to zoom out your perspective from the frustrating incident and see the bigger picture.  Each challenge is also an opportunity.  Resetting quicker helps the learning resume faster. 
You've got this!  You are the right parent for the job!
Sincerely,
Dana

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