Tis the season… the gift season?!

I laughed out loud when I heard a radio advertisement the week of Thanksgiving telling us that it was not “too” late to get those Christmas gifts!  Good gracious!  It wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet, why are they making us feel like we’re late to the gift buying scene? 

How are you feeling about Christmas gifts? I love to get a special gift and even more, to find a special gift for someone. But when gift giving becomes too much of the focus it makes me feel frazzled and overwhelmed.  What does your relationship with gift giving look like in your family and your extended family? Maybe an even better question is, what would you like your family’s relationship with gifts be like? ​

When my older two kids were 3 and 4 years old I remember picking out Christmas gifts for them. At that age they were easy to buy gifts for and the things they liked weren’t expensive. The problem came with trying to make sure I balanced how many little gifts they each got… to make it “fair”.  I’d find something special I knew one of them would love, but then felt the pressure to find an “equal” gift for the other child. Wrapping the gifts to put under the tree I realized that somewhere along the way I had picked up one more item for the older child than the younger one and had to go back to the store to once again even things out! (our family also did Santa gifts, so of course I also had to keep that even too).  
    The following Christmas we had started attending a new church and in the advent material for families there was a suggestion that totally changed my relationship with Christmas gift giving stress. The suggestion was gift giving inspired by the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh brought by the three kings who visited Jesus.  
    Gold, something precious; frankincense, used in sweet smelling perfumes and myrrh which was a useful ingredient. With that in mind the suggested idea was giving the kids three gifts. The “myrrh gift” is a practical item that is useful. The “frankincense gift” is a little sweet treat, and the “gold gift” is something special the child would love (please note that it doesn’t have to be expensive, just thoughtful.) 
    My Christmas gift giving had some direction now. Over the years the “gold gift” is the more stereotypical “Christmas wish list” gift. It’s an item that they would be pretty excited about. 
The “practical gift” has been something like a warm sweatshirt for the cold winter, a set of flannel sheets or a new pair of tennis shoes. These were items that we were buying for our kids as needed anyways. But sharing the perspective that these practical items are also gifts had an affect on my kids' relationship to items they had previously taken for granted. 
    The “sweet gift” has been a favorite candy or treat, a book I know they will love, or an ornament for the tree that’s a sweet memory of the year. It’s typically just a small item, but the kids always look forward to opening it. 
    This approach brought peace and joy to Christmas gift giving for me as a parent.  As my family grew from two to three to four kids, we’ve kept this same tradition. 
    Gifts are only one part of the Christmas season. Even more valuable is the time with loved ones, and celebrating the real reason for the season. I hope that if gift giving has become stressful or robs you of joy, you feel empowered to do something different this year.