Tired of the Yelling!

Yelling!  It's a tool used day in and day out by parents and kids... but we know it's not the best tool.  As parents, we get tired of feeling like we need to raise our voices to get our kids to listen.  Our kids, of course, get tired of being yelled at, but they also get trained to not really listen and take action until the yelling starts.  It's almost like their brain is saying "I hear ya, but I don't think you really mean it... yet". 
Our yelling, by accident, teaches our kids that yelling is the way to get things done.  We're teaching it in the most powerful way, by our example.   
Ouch!  Now we have parents AND kids yelling.   

If this is happening in your home, you're not alone.  But, what can we do to break this cycle?

Here are some things to try.
1. Bring your voice softer not louder
That sounds simple enough, but when the we are upset, it's no easy task.  Actually, the easiest thing is to do what we're used to doing.  If yelling is the default mode, it's going to take practice to change course.  Start with taking a few slow deep breaths when you start yelling or feel like yelling.  If the situation is safe, walk away for a moment to calm down.   Take a few moments to get your body to calm down.  Then you will be able to use that softer voice.  
 
2. Check that you have your child's attention
Depending on your child, maybe a gentle hand on his/her shoulder or  gentle eye contact is all you need.  You may need to get closer to your kid, rather than call out directions or questions from another room.  There may be a distraction that your child is focused on.  Stay gentle and ask your child to pause what they're doing for a few minutes.    
3. Give your child some room for autonomy when possible ("Hey, before dinner at 5:30, put your school bag and boots away.")

4. Keep working daily on your healthy relationship with your child.  Do something fun together, smile, listen.  Cooperation comes out of relationship.   Our number one parenting tool is building our relationship with each child.  Different parenting seasons make this more challenging.  Persevere, it's worth it. 

These steps work, but they aren't easy.   Sometimes there is so much stress and layers of frustration between parents and kids that more is needed.  If you're feeling at the end of your rope, hopeless or defeated by the struggles in your home, don't try to soldier on alone.  Find resources, talk to your support network, get more tools.
 
If Family Healing and Growth is what you need for your family, check out the self-paced course for parents ready for change.  
https://livestouchedcoaching.podia.com/family-healing-and-growth

If you tend to raise your voice, make this week the week that you start to pay attention and make little changes. 
Check out my YouTube channel and subscribe for more parenting thoughts, strategies and encouragement every week.  There will be a lot coming up on discipline and getting cooperation without yelling.  

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