We are family...

​When I think about summer, I tend to think about the fun activities I can do with the kids, the classes or lessons they will have, and the joys of warm weather and sunshine. My picture of the perfect summer gets stifled by the sibling rivalry and conflict that somehow sneak up on me every June. 

Maybe your kids have been on summer vacation for a month or maybe they just got out last week; whatever the case, it’s all but guaranteed that your children will struggle to get along sometime over the next three months, and typically sooner rather than later. Let’s just pause for a second - this is completely normal! 

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For the better part of the last 9 months, most of our children have been in a structured school setting and their time spent together has been limited to short amounts of time before school and after school, as well as on weekends and breaks. Spending more time at home together fosters more opportunities for them to butt heads with each other. But just because conflict is a normal part of having siblings doesn’t mean that there aren’t ways that we as caregivers and parents can address it.
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1. Give your kids a project or task to work on together.
   Finding something fun for them to do with each other gives them something positive to focus on. Try to pick an activity that they don’t often do or that is new and interesting. If your kids are old enough, have them bake cookies together. A fast-paced round of “The Floor is Lava” can also provide a reset as they laugh, jump and move their bodies. Some other ideas might be making a fort, digging for worms, washing the car, working on a puzzle, creating a scavenger hunt for their sibling, reading to a younger sibling, having a picnic in the yard, or, if they are old enough, walking to get ice cream or to a playground or park together. Choose things that will focus on laughter and not competition, and watch your kids (hopefully!) bond.
   
   
2. Set them up for success.
   When kids aren’t at their best physically and emotionally, it’s difficult for them to be at their best with those around them. By being proactive - keeping everyone hydrated, giving snacks at appropriate times to keep their blood sugar regulated, making sure everyone gets good sleep and exercise, and by limiting or having age-appropriate screen time - our kids will have the best chance to use their thinking brains when communicating and interacting with their siblings.
   
   
3. Give them space.
   Let’s be honest: everyone needs space! We all need time to relax and recharge throughout the day and week. Try to build in two 15 minute breaks during the day where kids can go to have a quiet place to relax and be away from others. They may choose to read, play with Lego or just lay down in their beds. Giving them some autonomy in choosing where to go and what to do will help them take ownership of the time. For younger children, you may consider providing a sensory box with fidget toys, blocks, coloring books, or books to look at to help guide their time apart. Most siblings don’t want to spend every day of their summer vacation playing with their brother or sister. Talk to some friends and arrange playdates for one child at a time. Call the grandparents and see if they would host each grandchild for an overnight date. Look for classes at the library or your local Parks and Rec that focus on your child’s interests and sign them up.
   
   
4. Carve out one-on-one time with you.
   There are many reasons why siblings may fight with each other - jealousy, different ages or personalities, different developmental stages, boredom. It could also be because they are looking for attention, approval  or love from you, the caregiver. Our time is not limitless and there’s so many things throughout a given day that demand our time. With that in mind, choosing to make one-on-one time for each child throughout the week will speak volumes to their souls. It will let them know that they are important and worth spending time with. Even if it’s just 15 minutes per child, find an activity, put away anything that will cause a distraction and prioritize connecting with your kid.

Hopefully these suggestions give you a few extra tools in your toolbox to draw from this summer when conflict arises. Staying calm and trying to decipher what the child needs (play, entertainment, connection, attention, rest) will help you be successful as you navigate the rest of the summer. If you need any additional support, I’d love to help.

Your Friend,
Dana